A Celebration of Karin's Life

[The few days between Karin's death and her funeral are an absolute blur for me. I spent my time setting up a Furman Memorial for Karin's children higher education and ordering flowers from all of her Furman friends (an open purple heart) and from all of her Furman cottagemates (pink mickey mouse ears). And I was so glad to be doing this for her!] It wasn't long before it was time to return to Cary and attend the viewings, the funeral, and the burial. It was all, again, a blur of beauty & sadness among Furman friends and Karin's family. My most grief stricken moments both then and now are when I consider what a true loss there is both in my life as well as in the lives of all who knew Karin, especially among her children, husband, and parents. I have repeated many times, "It's just such a loss. Such a loss!" I agree with what Karin's mother has mentioned, that knowing that Karin is in heaven leaves us selfish in our grief. But my heart will never cease to break especially for Kevin, who will affected forever and ever by his great loss. And I can never write those words or speak them without tears immediately coming to my eyes. My biggest blessing in all of this? The renewed knowledge that life is a blessing and that my children are a blessing, and the new wisdom that there is no reason to ask "why" in regards to tragedies such as this. There is no good answer. Only God knows.

And I felt incredibly honored that Steve asked me to read scripture at the service. The verses from First Peter were so moving and so true that I faltered, . . . but only at the reference to great suffering.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer greatly in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your soul."

1 Peter 1:3-9

I also felt so very honored to be present at the dedication of Kien and Aria, a very appropriate and surprise addition to Karin's funeral! (As well as the very first time I was able to see Aria!)

The title of the blog post for Karin's funeral procession was "Karin Would Have Loved This!" And my comment on the blog was "I thought the EXACT SAME THING as we were driving along. In fact, I was listening to the lines, "How does she know that you really, REALLY truly love her?!?" from Enchanted on the way in Karin's honor. I knew Karin was smiling in Heaven!!!"

I want to end with something about Kevin. As I was in vigil at Karin's side at the hospital, Kevin came to say "goodbye" to his Mom, even though he was only told that she was "very sick." He took one look at Karin and said, "That doesn't look like my Mom anymore." I had to turn my back in sadness at that very true statement. : ( It wasn't long before Kevin was asking questions about all the machines helping his Mom. When he was put down, he ran to his waiting Grandma and Grandpa. When he finally came to me, I was thinking of my own daughter when I said, "I have a GREAT BIG hug for you, Kevin! Can you guess who it's from?!?" Thinking he would say, "Leia Rose?" I was surprised when he looked up at me with such hope, joy, and sadness while he said, "Do you have a hug from my MAMMA?!?" At which point I was very surprised, but responded, "YES!!!" and gave him his last hug from his Mom by proxy. And when Kevin appeared at the reception following the burial, I did the same thing when I saw Kevin. He ran to me with his arms outstretched, and I said the same thing, "I have a GREAT BIG hug for you, Kevin! Can you guess who it's from?!?" I wondered what Kevin would say. . . . And then came the response, ". . . from my Mamma?!?" "YES!!!!!" And I gave him a really, really long hug saying, "She doesn't want to let you go, she loves you so much!!!"