A while ago, my friend Karin told me about a fascinating book called Nurture by Nature: How to Raise Happy, Healthy, Responsible Children Through the Insights of Personality Type. I also read about this book on Karin's blog. It sounded so interesting! Interesting, yes, but I had NO idea that it would give me such insight into the differences between Leia Rose and I. (Annie's a bit too young to figure out yet. Maybe next year.) ; )
Anyway, the book takes you through a thorough process of elimination in order to figure out your child's personality type based on their specific behaviors. After you figure out the personality type, the book actually makes predictions as to your child's behavior in high school and beyond, . . . outlining challenges and joys along the way!!! Fascinating!!! And because personality type doesn't change over time, everything should hold true all along the way!
First, the background . . .
There are 16 basic personality types based on a combination of four (out of 8) letters. The first letter is E/I [Extrovert vs. Introvert]. The second letter is S/N [Sensing (gaining info from the senses) vs. Intuition (figuring out info internally)]. The third letter is F/T [Feeling vs. Thinking]. The fourth letter is P/J [Perceiving (being spontaneous) vs. Judging (being a planner)]. Although you may have a few qualities from each, you will find that MOST of you belong in one letter or another. Here's a really good chart that breaks it down for you:
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I took a test to determine my personality type (and so did Brian). As for Leia Rose, here is what we figured out. I have quoted the book exactly here with my extrapolations in brackets.
Leia is an ENTJ an Extrovert/Intuition/Thinking/Judging: "The Leader of the Band" or some say "The Guardian." A few things that are very significant in Leia Rose as an ENTJ are as follows. "While not all ENTJs are early talkers, those who are seem to speak fluently and articulately from the start. Most ENTJs rarely use baby talk and instead move right into more adult speech patterns Observable from their earliest years, ENTJs always seem so sure of themselves. . . . Socially, preschool ENTJs make themselves at home in any situation. They are equally at ease in a group of children as with adults. They make friends very quickly and usually show no hesitation or clinginess to parents even when meeting strangers. [i.e. "see ya wouldn't want to be ya" and talking to the workmen in the culda sac]. . . . ENTJs will rarely risk looking stupid or inept [i.e. Leia Rose wanting to stop when she can't read quickly enough]. They pride themselves on their competence and ability to do things perfectly the first time. ENTJs like to be the boss and usually have strong ideas about the way they want the group to act or play [i.e. who do you think suggested playing "monkey" yesterday?]. They can be quite persuasive because they sound so sure of themselves and can be very assertive about making sure their agenda is followed. . . . Books are usually great friends, and most ENTJs are both physically calmed and intellectually stimulated when they are read to. They have rich imaginations and love stories with high adventure, characters with special magic powers, or plots that are complex and fantastic [i.e. Star Wars & Harry Potter]. . . . They like to play pretend games and love to act out the drama of superheroes with great expression. . . . Most ENTJs like any kind of creative activity or project. They especially enjoy paining at an easy or creating big, colorful, and impressive pieces of art like collages or "recycle sculptures," made out of odds and ends [i.e. Mamma laughed at that description SO hard because that is what Leia is always asking to do, make stuff out of recycled bits of everything]. . . . Preschool ENTJs are quite comfortable with order and structure. As long as they understand the rules, they are usually willing to obey them and even enforce them with other children. . . . Honest, direct, and even blunt, most preschool ENTJs say exactly what is on their minds, without regard to how other people might be affected [i.e. "Oh look! You are losing your teeth just like I will someday," Leia said to a poor old woman.] While most young ENTJs generally like people and are quickly energized by being around them, they often do not like people touching them. They will frequently pull away or shun the well-meaning affection of other adults. It maybe embarrassing for their parents, but these children are merely showing what some other children feel but are too afraid to act on. [i.e. never a cuddler, hand-holder, or snuggler, . . . always always noticed that Leia Rose didn't like a whole lot of touching, as the book says, it's just that they don't need it. I ALWAYS want to give her more affection than she needs.] . . . ENTJs love to know about the future. They will count down the days in anticipation of a future event and look forward much more often than they look back. [i.e. talking about visiting Shenan], . . . Since they tend to make decision very quickly and like to know and stick with a plan of action, they are not usually very flexible or adaptable when those plans have to change. [i.e. Leia cried in the street this morning when the bagel store we wanted to go to had closed down.] . . . ENTJs like group activities and by this age are usually described as natural leaders. [um, yeah.] They often have a big circle of varied friends. [i.e. what Mrs. Schnell said in her last parent/teacher conference.] . . . Many school -aged ENTJs are fascinated by learning and then explaining the scientific principles they see in action around them [i.e. anything about dinosaurs] . . . ENTJs love gaining knowledge and are constantly hungry for more. They light up at the chance to impress others (especially adults) with what they know and to demonstrate that competence to the world [i.e. again, dinosaurs]. . . . Very goal directed, school-aged ENTJs want to do everything perfectly the first time they try, or they may give up [again, i.e. reading] . . . In fact, they are usually very calm, collected, and happy to take charge--even in the face of chaos. Their motto might be the expression one young ENTJ often used: "Don't panic, Mom." [i.e. "Don't worry Dad, Mom will be okay in a minute."] . . . Many ENTJs love theater and enjoy performing on stage. They enjoy being the center of attention and have a strong flair for dramatics [i.e. recital as the main point of ballet & jumping in front of Annie during "shakey egg."] . . . Since the play of ENTJs often imitates the work of adults, they like playing school with their stuffed animals or siblings as the students or setting up a business or doctor's office. . . .Because they appear to be so totally self-confident and emotionally self-contained, it can surprise those around them when they have an outburst [um, yeah]. . . . But far and away the biggest challenge for parents raising school-aged ENTJs is to remain objective and logical when setting and enforcing important limits. Most ENTJs are always pressing for more freedom, more self-determination, and more control of themselves and their environment. . . . For strong Feeling Parents [me] raising these matter of fact children can be particularly challenging. They just don't have the same need to demonstrate their innermost feelings and may not want or accept physical affection, kisses, and hugs as much as you want to give them. [um, yeah.] Sometimes, the naked honest truth of ENTJs can be off-putting because they don't mince words. . . . ENTJs are often blessed with the ability to size people up rather quickly and may need to e reminded to share those observations and judgments privately, rather than immediately, right to the persons face. . . . since ENTJs naturally look beyond the present moment and the obvious to the future and the possible, they may seem ungrateful for the opportunities and possession they have. [when can we have ANOTHER playdate with Natalie, Mamma?] . . . We cannot be indignant or angry with them when they receive all we give them and still focus on what's to come. They may well be served by gently pointing out their many blessings, but we do that more effectively when we model that value rather than launching into long speeches. . . . They are intrigued with people and things out of the ordinary, so they may be eager to travel to other countries or meet and befriend exchange students [um, Yukino!] . . . They seem to come alive on stage and may be energized by the whole competitive process, . . . . . . . Expect lots of questions and be prepared to offer logical answers or to go find out the right answer, . . .be consistent as well as fair, . . save recycled materials for projects . . . delegate as many projects and chores as possible (i.e. her teachers reported that Leia loved doing her chores, that she felt like a real part of the family). Parents who accept and express acceptance of their ENTJ daughter’s strength and courage can help them move through the minefield of adolescence with few casualties to their self-esteem. . . . They need to be allowed to challenge the people and limits in their environment, question authority and the status quo, and develop a set of beliefs and conclusions that they know to be logical and right, regardless of what others think. (Hmmm, a bit hard in the Catholic church.) . . . At their best, ENTJS are strong independent, intellectual and confident people with high personal standards. They can be ingenious and creative problem solvers, gifted performers, and admired and respected leaders."
Noelle is an ISFJ an Introvert/Sensing/Feeling/Judging or "the Nurturer."
ISFJs are interested in maintaining order and harmony in every aspect of their lives. They are steadfast and meticulous in handling their responsibilities. Although quiet, they are people-oriented and very observant. Not only do they remember details about others, but they observe and respect others’ feelings. Friends and family are likely to describe them as thoughtful and trustworthy. ISFJs are sympathetic, loyal, considerate and conscientious. ISFJs operate most comfortably in situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. They are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and they are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for their families. ISFJ children are conscientious, diligent, and rarely a behaviors problem to their parents or teachers. They like to know what is expected, and then they will dutifully and quietly follow through. In some respects, ISFJs behave like 'perfect children' because they try to please their parents, teachers, and those in authority. Security and routine are very important to ISFJ children. ISFJ children like to know exactly what they are supposed to do in school and like to feel certain that they have the skills before being called upon. ISFJs need gentle nudging to move beyond their comfort level. They may worry a lot about any number of things. [um, yeah, I was a real worrier] This is apparent even in young children. They usually have a few close friends whom they are likely to deep as close friends for a lifetime. They often belong to at least one social group. They avoid center stage and contribute willingly in quiet, practical, behind-the-scenes ways. When comfortable, they can radiate their feelings and thoughtful values outward to others. They are often accepted for their kindness and quiet friendliness. They typically select a few special friends and nurture these friendships over long periods of time. ISFJs shy away from disharmony and try to maintain cooperation at all costs. They may be more cautious and conservative than many of their peers. As young adults, ISFJs set goals with a variety of time frames, ranging from daily goals to long-range ones. ISFJs tend to be good students, because they diligently follow through in their work to please their teachers. They may feel comfortable in group activities only if they are working with a cooperative and task-focused group. They learn well from lectures that are well organized, not too fast paced, and properly sequenced. They want to know the right answer. Some occupations are more appealing to ISFJs: [among them was listed a] teacher . . . that provide opportunities for them to meet their need to be of service to others. For the ISFJ, love means security and commitment. Again, like other types, ISFJs tend to fall hard when they fall in love. [um, yeah.] Because they place a high value on marriage and family, they seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. [um, yeah.] Marriage and family give ISFJs appropriate outlets for their love. In addition, they provide opportunities for them to meet their need to be of service to others. Because they are willing to give so much, they tend to expect the same sort of response from their mates and may be disappointed when their partners do not comply. However, they are realistic enough to know that they may not get exactly what they want and sometimes must accept their fate quietly. ISFJs have difficulty with conflict situations, and would much prefer to just sweep things under the rug. Parenthood is seen as natural state and duty to the ISFJ. They are responsible about ensuring that their children have their practical needs met, and try to teach them the rules and observations of our society so that they grow into responsible and independent adults. As individuals who value order and structure, they're likely to create well-defined boundaries and roles for their children to live within. ISFJ parents have a very difficult time if their children grow into "problem" adults. [oh boy] They tend to believe that it is their responsibility, and that they didn't work hard enough to raise their children well. This may or may not be the case, but usually it isn't. ISFJs usually put forth a lot of energy and effort and don't give themselves credit for doing so. In many ways, an ISFJ makes an ideal parent. Their children will not lack for structure, appropriate guidelines, or warmth and affection. Their children will remember and value the ISFJ parent for their warm natures and genuine efforts on their children's behalf. Although the ISFJ is likely to place God and family above their friends in their priorities, they genuinely enjoy spending time with friends and colleagues. In fact, ISFJs usually feel a strong need to talk problems and issues over with people before making decisions on their actions.
And I suspect Brian is an ISTJ an Introvert/Sensing/Thinking/Judging: "The Duty Fullfiller." (Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if Brian was an INTJ: "The Scientist.") He keeps forgetting to bring his test results home, so here's a little preview of what I think Brian is:
ISTJs respect facts. They hold a tremendous store of data within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing function. The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous energy into any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. [um, yeah.] They prefer to work alone, but can work well in teams when the situation demands it. [Ha! That sounds just like Brian!] The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear.
UPDATE: Well, Brian brought home his personality profile today (5/9) and, just as I suspected, he is an ISTJ. Now it's time to find out more about his profile (that I also included in the orignal personality type post). As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically. ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. [Wow, yeah, Brian to a T.] They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake. ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings. [Brian does great impressions, . . . and he's really talkative with others, often after having only one beer. Ha!] ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. [Um, yeah.] If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book". The ISTJ is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised. For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of. The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. [Um, yeah, Brian was at work tonight until midnight, . . . to keep his job safe.] However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it. [Very true.] They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority. The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear. ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed. The ISTJ is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented. Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted. They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while. [Um, yeah!] ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. [Emotion? Maybe. Affection? Not to us, anyway! Thank goodness.] However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. [Ah, ha!] Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs. The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. [Um, yeah!] They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. [Heck, yeah!] They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words. [i.e. Brian's short cards.]ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. [Ha! Heck, yeah!] They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations. ISTJs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation. Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained. [Ha! You fiddler, you!] They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty. Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom. In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be.
Just a little further extrapolation: I have always known that Leia Rose was a very different person than myself, but I had never been able to pinpoint why. Now I can see that Leia Rose and I only share one "letter," so to speak, the letter "J." We are both major planners. But with all else, we are the opposite. Leia is an extrovert, I'm an introvert. Leia is intuitive, and I am sensory. Leia is a thinker while I am a feeler. I have always, ALWAYS hated conflict, while Leia doesn't seem to mind it at all. I remember being fairly obsessed with things like making sure my parents would "keep me safe" when I was a kid, . . . and when I decided to tell Leia Rose that I would "keep her safe" the other night (something that was so important to me as a kid) she replied, "keep me safe from what?" Ha! And I am always wanting to love and hug and kiss and caress. And, of course, Leia Rose is the typical ENTJ in that she "may not want or accept physical affection, kisses, and hug as much as you want to give them." And although I can't say I believe 100% in the theories about personality type, reading this book has just given me some real peace about these few differences.
1 comment:
Cool :) I liked your inserted comments along the way.
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