Moral Dilemma

Today, we also had what I can only describe as Leia's first moral dilemma. Here is what happened: I went to breastfeed Annie as Karin monitored Kevin and Leia. While the three of them were in Leia's room, Leia started to climb her toy bin/bookshelf all the way to the top. Karin said, "I don't think your mamma would want you to do that!" To which Leia replied, "Well, one of my friends gave me a good idea to do something and not tell my mamma about it."

When I came back in the room, Karin immediately took me aside and told me what happened. (Thank the Lord for good friends!) My main concern was not the furniture climbing. My main concern was that a friend suggested doing something bad and called it a "good idea," insisting on doing it and keeping it a secret. (For goodness sake, Leia's only had one day of school this year and she's already hearing stuff like this?!?) Leia just can't think that this is acceptable behavior. My mind reeled with possible scenarios that could happen when she got older, ranging from skipping class to doing drugs.

So, my first response was to deal with the less serious of the infractions and tell Leia Rose about how dangerous it is to climb on furniture and that she was never allowed to do that again. I didn't deal with the true moral dilemma at the moment. Instead, after Leia went downstairs, I crept up into my bedroom to call Oma to ask some advice about what to do. And, by the end, Mom paid me the greatest compliment of all when she said, "Oh Noelle, you are such a good Mamma!"

Our thoughts combined culminated in a very poignant first moral discussion. Before I began, I asked the Holy Spirit to truly guide my words. I began by wrapping Leia up in my arms, and with a big smile, telling her how much I love her. We cuddled for a little while before I asked if I could talk to her about something. After I had her full attention, I began.

"I love you so much, Leia Rose! And I want you to know that I need to talk to you about something. I'm not mad. Not at all! But if this happens again, the next time I will be mad. First, I know that you were climbing up your shelf today. Do you realize that if you climbed up, the shelf could fall, you could break your foot, and that would mean no ballet forever? Did you know that I knew a little girl named Jennifer who was killed by climbing on a wooden structure that fell? . . . But more importantly, if anyone (child or adult) ever says, 'Let's do this and not tell your mom.' That should make a little red flag go up in your head! Come and tell me immediately. If you do, Mamma will be so happy and proud of you. I'll even dance a little jig!" Here Leia Rose smiled while I did my jig, . . . and she actually giggled when I did an impression of a little red-flag going up in my head. She thought this was funny, and I was glad I unknowingly gave her a mnemonic device. "If you don't come and tell me, and you do what the child or adult says anyway, . . . and you do this even once, you will never be allowed to play alone with that person again. No one (child or adult) should ever say 'don't tell your mom.' If they do, it means they want you to do something bad. Do you understand? . . . "

At this point, Leia Rose started wiping tears away from her eyes. And I said, "Leia Rose, why are you crying? I'm not mad at all!" And she replied, "I know. My eyes just water like this sometimes these days." [Sniff, sniff.] A likely story. It's so nice that she tries so hard to please her Mamma! I see a good, moral future in the making here. Now to encourage joy over severity. That's the challenge! : )

Now the next few days were filled with vignettes like this, "If a friend says, 'I know! Let's take one of your barbies and stick the foot into Annie's belly button to make her cry! We just won't tell your mom, . . .' What do you say?" And Leia would reply something like, "Because when they say that a little red flag goes up in my head. [And she'd do the motion.] I say, 'Please excuse me for a second.' And then I run and tell you right away!" Then I would reply, "And what would happen if you did the thing the child said to do and didn't tell me?" Unfortunately, her first reply was, "I won't be able to do ballet." *sigh* Back to the drawing board. : ) But later she did end up with, "Mamma would be very mad, and I wouldn't be able to play with the friend by myself." Whew! Great job, Leia! Thank God for the "little red flag" bit of comic relief!